Kayla day 81

So here it is Sunday August 29th the day Mike and I get to bring Kayla home. But when we woke up this morning we still weren't positive if we could bring her home today. The doctor told us yesterday that he wouldn't discharge her until 12p so we were waiting for the phone call. We didn't want to go in to early just waiting in anticipation so we decided we would sleep in for probably the last time in a long while and head in around 11:45a, hoping by the time we got there we would hear from the Dr. ourselves that Kayla would be going home today. So Mike and I got some last minute stuff done for Kayla, like installing the car seat base into Mike's car. Making sure we had all things needed for Kayla to come home, we were ready to do. The car seat base took a little longer to install then we had thought so we didn't leave the house until closer to 12:15p but we still haven't heard from the Dr. so it's still up in the air. We got the the hospital at 12:30p walking in a what felt egg shells hoping and praying that nothing went wrong since we hadn't yet heard from the Dr. But right when we got to Kayla's area the nurse told us, "he signed her discharge." We looked at each other wondering if the other heard the same thing, I then asked again. Again she said, "yeah you guys are ready to go the Dr. already signed Kayla's discharge papers." HOOOORAY!!!!!!! Excitement beyond what you think you could feel filled our hearts. Today was the 100th day Mike and I had been to the hospital since my bed rest, and today we get to actually bring Kayla home. As excited as we were it still took a while for us to actually get out of the hospital. Kayla was due for her next feeding at 1p and it was already 12:45p so we had to feed her before we could go as well as change her into her going home outfit, of course. Sign and go over all of her discharge papers, talk to respiratory therapy about Kayla going home on oxygen and talk to the Dr. about signs to look for so we won't have to bring Kayla back. After hugs to all the NICU nurses working that day, Mike and I were headed to that door for the last time. We walked in disbelief to the elevator wondering if this was still really happening. After getting outside the nurse and I waited for Mike to pull the car around, we took the last hospital pictures put Kayla and everything else that made it feel like home in NICU into the car and actually drove away. The smiles never left our faces, we got home just about 10 minutes later, introduced Bailey to Kayla, but I don't think she really cared much about Kayla she was just excited to see us. Then called and/or texted everyone in our family the good news. For the rest of the day Mike and I just stared at Kayla arguing back and forth about who gets to hold her next. I told Mike he was lucky I had to pump because I wouldn't give her up, we were now a family of three now home, (for awhile) and loving every minute of it.

Kayla Day 79

Sounds like we have a good chance of going home this weekend!! Kayla had a good day with good feedings, I was able to meet with the lactation specialist today. I asked about bottles and we should be fine with the playtex I wanted to use. I was told to keep trying breast feeding everyday, she showed me the different positions I can try and also talked about breast feeding in bed. I am getting so excited about the thought of bringing Kayla home, but don't want to get to excited in case it doesn't happen.

Kayla day 78

Another long day with Kayla today, I was able to talk with Michael who is with the NICU project. This a program for preemies that may have delays later in life, it's free occupational, physical and developmental therapy for Kayla if she needs it until the age to three. Just wonderful since we know Kayla might have a little bit of issues when she starts to walk with her back. I then was supposed to meet with both Beth the developmental therapist, and Mary the lactation specialist at 1p. They both came be Beth kicked Mary out because she needed to do a bottle assessment on Kayla before Kayla might go home. So I am scheduled with lactation tomorrow now instead. Beth and I talked about feedings at home, what Mike and I need to do to keep them up and keep Kayla gaining weight. She watched as I fed Kayla to see how I did on keeping Kayla going through out the whole feed, and....we passed!!! Hooray, Beth will now be telling Dr. Zarlingo that Kayla did well and should do just fine with feedings at home, yeah. I was then thinking I need to get to know some of the other mom's in NICU before I leave, (if we leave.) So after talking to the nurses about the so called rumor of us leaving them this weekend, I introduced myself to the parents of two little twin girls both weighting 4lbs 3oz. Then to a new mom of twin boys, 2lbs 8oz and 2lbs 5oz, almost the same weight as Kayla. It's so strange to look at these babies and think, wow my baby was really this little, she is such a big girl now. But it's always nice to hear their stories and share ours, comforting to know that there are other people going through the same thing we have been going through. I ate lunch at the hospital today, and went outside for a little walk of my own, thinking about the possibilities of this weekend. Then back in for 5p feeds, Kayla then came out and surprised me when I put her to breast, she usually will just nuzzle and play until the bottle comes, but today she latched on. Just so wonderful, because I have been getting concerned that Kayla might not get this whole latching on thing, but today she went on as if she knew exactly what to do. LOVE HER!!! She just makes my day by her small accomplishments. After a feed and a pump I went for a couple more last minute errands, then ate with Mike and back to the hospital at 9p. Carol was our nurse last night she was able to get Kayla to eat, 65cc's at 1am and 70cc's at 5am. But Kayla ended up spitting close to 25cc's of the 5am milk, nurses think she might have just gotten to much. So they are only giving her 65cc's at the most. Anyway, Mike was able to give Kayla another full bottle of 63cc's the only unfortunate thing of the day was that Kayla lost weight. Not much but we were so bummed, it will be interesting to hear what the Dr says, I hope that doesn't mean she doesn't get to come home. Carol said not to worry about it because it wasn't even a whole ounce of weight lose, but Kayla is at 6lbs 12oz tonight. Just keep praying that that's not going to be a big deal and Kayla will be able to come home. Oh I really hope so. :/

Kayla day 77

My first full day with Kayla, I am so tired I stayed up way to late last night working on the announcements, so cute!! So I went in at 9a today for give Kayla her first feed, during that time it was rounds so I was able to talk to Dr. Zarlingo in person. Her goal is to still have Kayla home this weekend, so we are going for it. Kayla is doing pretty good on her feeds just being real slow, I guess tomorrow and Friday are big days for her. Because Thursday will be three days from when the tube was pulled, and Friday will be three days from when the reflex medication was started. I guess day three tells the nurses and dr's a lot if one she keeps up on her feeds, and if two the reflex meds are helping her? Kayla had to get her feeding tube put back in a day three the last time we tried taking it out, so I hope it works out this time?? She then said Kayla needs to gain weight, and she should be able to go home. So now it's so weird because the nurses are starting to say their good byes, and give hugs. I'm thinking is this really real, could this really be happening? I was also given some of Kayla's discharge items, like a CD of all her ultrasound and x-ray images as well as papers on CPR, and her medical papers. Crazy! So 9a was a little bit of a hard feed for her because of all the distraction I think. I then went to run some errands and got some more of the necessary items from babies r us, grabbed some lunch and was back at the hospital for her 1p feed. she did much better at this feed, but didn't finish all of it she ended with taking 40cc's so at least we are over half. I then went home after that to let Bailey out and get her some lunch as well as grabbing a quick nap cause I was so tired. So back at 5p for her next bottle which she did really really well on. She was awake the whole time and took the full bottle of 60cc's. After her bottle I took Kayla out of a stroller ride, Mom met up with me while we were outside enjoying the nice weather. Then Mom, Mike and I were able to grab some dinner before returning for the 9p cares. Best news of the night Kayla gained weight and not just some but 2oz!!! That puts her hat 6lbs 13oz now, Dr. Zarlingo is going to be so excited of us. :) Mike was able to get 62cc's from Kayla on her bottle tonight which is so so wonderful, she is just doing fantastic. Now word is spreading around NICU that we might be going home this weekend so more nurses are giving hugs and saying good bye. Still can't believe it yet, we must be heading out the door for this to be real.

Kayla day 76

Start of a new full week for me, I am going to start being at the hospital for most all feeds now in hopes I can get Kayla to take full bottles and gain some weight. Today I finished the house work so we are ready for her to come home, when she does decide to do that. :) So I went in at 5p, Kayla was given her first dose of reflex medication. They think because of all these spit up and slow feeds that maybe that's Kayla's real issue. So we will find out later this week if they are working, I hope that is all she needs. If she still seems to be having these issues they will have to do a swallow test on her and see what the true problem is, which could delay her coming home time. So, we just pray that this is all it is and Kayla will continue to get better at her feeds. I then went home for a quick dinner and back to the hospital at 9, Kayla had another great feed of Mike. He seems to always do well and getting Kayla to finish her bottle, it was just a mellow quiet day today. Kayla lost some weight be only .2 so that's really not to bad hopefully she will get a gain tomorrow?

Kayla day 75 (39 weeks)

Great day today, Mike and I got up earlier today so we could work on the yard. Mike weed wracked the garden for me, and started on the bushes. I helped clean up with all the bushes and while we were out there Dr. Zarlingo called. She is the Dr for the week and decided to change everything up. We love Dr. Zarlingo, she decided to take the feeding tube back out, she said, "Kayla is considered full term she needs to get the ball rolling of these feedings." I couldn't agree more, so Kayla is off the tube and back on bottle every 4 hours. Dr. was thinking that maybe Kayla was spitting up a bit more because of the feeding tube being down her throat, who knows so we are trying to figure out if Kayla might have reflex? Dr. Zarlingo then told us that her goal is to get Kayla home by this weekend!!! As exciting as that is, Mike and I no longer get excited because we have been let down so often in the past. So it's a half yeah, and crossed fingers that it MIGHT come true? The Dr. said, "yeah, we need to make Kayla a part of your family instead of ours." I loved it, she has no plans to put Kayla back on the feeding tube, she is willing to let Kayla lose some weight, we just love it. So we will see how that all goes and pray for good news. Mike and I went in together at 9p for her cares, Kayla had a great day with the nurses and was taking 50cc to 60cc bottles, for each feed so we have started off well. Then Kayla finished her bottle for me, and still weights 6lbs 11.6oz, so no weight gain and no weight lost.
We were also able to finish all the yard work, we are so excited it looks so good.

Kayla day 74

Professional pictures are purchased, I will put them on here soon. :) So today was a an off day, Mike was having a softball tournament his first game was at 11am then if they won again at 1p. I woke up late around 10a so after a shower and getting ready I wasn't going to make it down to Lakewood for his game at 11a. Instead mom called and said she was going to come by, then we would go to Mike's next game is he won. Unfortunately Mike lost the first game and was done for the rest of the day, so mom took a bunch of my stored breast milk to stock on her fridge for us. That is so nice but our space was getting very very small. After that I cleaned house a little bit then finally heard something back about the Nissan I am trying to sell. I was able to meet with the guy that was interested, I think he might go for it?? We will see? Liz's parents have been here for this last week and we wanted to meet up with them. So we then went to Ted's Montana Grill for some nice time with the Berling family. Then finally after the long day we went to see Kayla. She still isn't showing enough progress to again take out the feeding tube, but is still gaining weight. I was bummed to hear Kayla didn't take any full feeds today, it seems to always be a yo-yo with her. Good some days then a bad day :( where you wonder if she will ever come home? But Liz was able to hold Kayla tonight, she is the last of immediate family hold Kayla. Mike was then able to get Kayla to finish her first full feeding for the day, so we are very happy about that. Kayla has gained a little in grams and is at 6lbs 11.6oz but is now 19 inches long!

Kayla day 73

Wow, I am finally caught up on all my Thank you letters. I will again say Thank you to everyone for their continued support and prayers as we go through this process. Mike got tickets to the Broncos pre-season game and invited his dad to go with him. So he wanted to see Kayla before they left because it would be to late when he came back. So Bob came with him, we decided that Kayla needed another stroller ride and Bob could see her outside the NICU. Kayla has had a great day today and has nippled all her bottles of 60cc's. The Dr. likes her progress and weight gain but still wants Kayla to take closer to 80cc's in each feed. Kayla also had some of her final tests today, they did the room air test today. This is where they take Kayla off the oxygen for 40 minutes, she has to keep herself at or above 80 the whole time to pass the test. She passed!!!! Then the day nurse knew we were coming in for a stroller ride so she decided to do the car seat test as well, again Kayla passed!!! Such good news, the bottles is the last official thing Kayla has to accomplish to go home. It's so hard when you get so close but yet it still feels so far. So after a wonderful stroller ride outside, Mom and I came back around 8:30p to give Kayla her weekly bath, she was awake the whole time. But then when I tried giving her bottle at 9p she was so out of it and only took about 20cc's also when weighted she is 6lbs 11oz Kayla has gained 4lbs since birth!!

Kayla day 72

Pretty normal day today, Mike and I went in together at 9pm. Kayla weights 6lbs 10oz and she had two full bottles.

Kayla day 71

Rough, rough day for me today. I woke up this morning with a phone call from Dr. Martin saying he wasn't happy with the progress Kayla was making on her bottle feeding. So he and the nurse decided to to put the feeding tube back in, he said Kayla wasn't consistent enough to take the bottle without exhausting herself and he didn't want us to force anything on her. Kayla had lost 12grams from this trial run, which I don't think it much at all. She went from 6lbs 8.6oz to 6lbs 7.4oz I really wish we could have gone a few more trial days with Kayla so she could better learn hunger cues.

6lbs 9oz Hung out with mom, night with Mike. Two full bottles

Kayla day 70

Wow, 10 weeks old today.
Alright no more wishing Kayla will get home by this weekend, or the next weekend, etc. It's to much for one brain to handle, I have decided to switch it "I just want Kayla home by her due day" which is August 30th. That's all my prayer is now, she can take her time in getting there but I just pray she is home by then. We had a pretty good day today with bottles, she took 50cc's for three of them 64cc's for one and two at 35cc's. Because she is at such a good weight she needs to be having close to 70cc's at each feed, which is six feedings in 24hours. She is taking her time, she isn't as aggressive as some other babies, as if she just isn't as hungry. She takes her time with the bottles and seems to take almost an hour to just finish one. So Mike and I do feel that we are making head way, again we see that light at the end of the tunnel it's just not really bright yet. Mike got off work early to feed Kayla at 5:30p tonight because he had another double header for softball. I then stuck around to finish up that bottle for him when he had to leave then stuck around because my mom was coming to see Kayla. We decided to take Kayla out on a little stroller ride, then we ate dinner with Kayla in the cafeteria at the hospital. It was fun having her there with us while we ate. :) By the time we got back upstairs the NICU was getting pretty busy. There was an anepartum mom that has been holding her twins inside on bedrest for almost 3 weeks. I think they are around 31 weeks gestation now, anyway she had them today so NICU is full of boys. There are 6 little baby boys in there and Kayla the princess of the group and the biggest right now too. GO GIRL!!! Because they were all so busy I decided to stay and give Kayla her 9pm bottle, Kayla was still pretty out of it and tired but I managed to get 45cc's in before we left. All in all it's a good day, I'm am starting to just take these days as they are, just regular days that get us to the next day. It will go fast and soon enough Kayla will be home. As we learned from the very beginning it's not up to us, it's up to her.
Love you my sweet Kayla, no matter what, you make me a proud mommy everyday.

Oh and because of the switch to demand feedings Kayla is down another .6 in her weight which puts her at 6lbs 7.4oz. That's only an ounce in weight loss which I guess isn't bad at all so we will just try and keep up the bottle process until she gets it. :)

Kayla day 69

Mike and I had a done day today. When I got up this morning I meant to go to Target and run some other errands, but I didn't want to go with out Kayla. So I decided to spend the day with Kayla instead. Kayla is doing pretty well on her feeding by demand, she look more then 40cc's with each bottle last night. Then she took 52cc's and 50cc's of her bottles during the day. I tried breast feeding again today, Kayla still isn't latching very well. So at least we tried, so we switched to bottle, I think that always throws her off because she choked a bit when I switched to the bottle and had a pretty big spit up. Poor thing she spit up through her nose and mouth and cried, she doesn't cry very often at all. So we had to switch out her nose cannula and change her outfit. I spent the rest of the day with Kayla until we have to be kicked out at 7p when it was time to switch nurses. I went to pick up Kayla's crib mattress today, we are getting so close to being completely done with Kayla's room. I will show pictures when it's complete. :) I then picked up Mike from the house and took him to Lil Ricks pizza where, dad, mom, and Adam were. They were sweet enough to get dinner for us, then Mike, Adam and I all went to see Kayla. Mike was able to get Kayla to finish another 50cc bottle, Kayla did lose weight tonight though but not much. She lost .6 so she is at an even 6lbs 8oz now. We just pray that she will gain, if she gains weight from these feeds then it's home. So many obstacles that we have to get through, Mike and I are really done with this whole driving to the hospital every night. We just want to stay home with Kayla and not take that drive anymore for a long time. Just a done day. :/

40, 40, 40, 50, 50, 35 6lbs, 8.0oz lost .6

Kayla day 68 (38 weeks)

Happy 38 weeks to Kayla today, she is getting so big it's so hard to believe we have been at the hospital this long and yet I am still two weeks from her due date.
Got a call from the Dr. this morning, great news Kayla is off the feeding tube. The Dr said "as requested, we put Kayla on demand feeds today and took out her NG tube." They are going to see how she does because she will be getting only 6 feeds a day now instead of 8 she has to take more in each feed in order to keep gaining weight. Now I feel that if Kayla doesn't do very well with this new schedule it's my fault because I wanted them to do that. But I do really appreciate them listening to my request, but if they have to put a new feeding tube in I will feel so bad. So we need some good prayers sent her way so that she won't have to go back to the feeding tube. Pray, pray pray. I called day nurse to see how Kayla had done so far that day. Teri said Kayla's last tube feeding was at 9a and that she took 30cc's for her next feeding at 1p. Mike and I planned on a work on yard day, we trimmed all the bushes in the front, Mike got all the weeds in the backyard. Just a good clean up day until it started raining on us, unfortunately we had to stop and we'll have to finish another day. We went around 4p because Kayla now demands her feeds, so she eats every four hours now instead of three. She has to show some signs of hunger before we feed her so we aren't forcing the bottles on her. Mike had to leave by 4:45p because he has a double header in softball tonight. I was able to give Kayla her next feed around 5:15p she did well for me and took almost all her feed. Mom then called and met me at the hospital, we went to Black Eyed Pea for some dinner, YUM!!! They have the best skillet cookie there! Then we went to babies r us for some other Kayla items I didn't get at my baby showers. We were there later than expected, I had forgotten to take a picture of Kayla for today so we had to go back to the hospital to get a picture. Kayla was taking a bottle when we got there around 9:45, I was able to get her to finish her bottle before we left. Kayla was awake for a long time while we were there, it was so sweet she was just looking around at everything and always does her little smiles for mom. Nurses say we should expect a weight loss since Kayla will be taking less bottles during this new trial run of demand feeds. Thankfully Kayla hasn't lost any yet, in fact she didn't change at all. Kayla is still at 6lbs 8oz, I think she is doing great but we will see how this whole process goes.

Kayla day 67

It was a busy family day for Kayla today. Everyone but Liz so far in my family has held Kayla but Bobby, Michelle, and uncle David have not held Kayla yet. Aaron and Jason are still to young to even be allowed in the NICU so we were able to unhook Kayla from all the wires for a little while and bring her over to the window to see Aaron and Jason. David had come earlier that day and got to hold Kayla first, it's always so fun seeing family hold Kayla because as much as we are used to all of her cords they are not. They are so delicate and gentle with her, which is wonderful of course you want that. It's just always very cute to watch them when you hand her off. Michelle and Bobby were next and just loved holding her, Michelle didn't want to give her up and let Bobby hold her. Kayla was great the whole time, and slept through most all the passing around. Later that night Mike and I did a bath for Kayla she is getting to be such a chunk now, we love it and enjoyed our long family day with her.

Kayla day 66

Another exciting day for Kayla today we have no more pulsox!! Woo hoo, Kayla has not been having desat spells like she used to so we no longer have to monitor it all the time. One less wire to worry about is one less thing before it's almost time to bring her home. She had a pretty good day at feedings and I am getting on a good schedule with her. She got bottles at 12am, 3am, 6am and did a full one at 9am. but had a tube feeding at 12pm. I love many of the nurses in the NICU but there are three that I really feel don't try as much as the others do. Whenever one of these nurses is with Kayla she always does tube feedings and says Kayla was just to tired to do the bottle. I feel she just didn't want to sit and try like most of the other nurses do for me when I'm not there. Which is such a hard position to be in because I'm not there 24/7 so I can't do every feeding. It's my choice but I still have a lot to do to get ready for Kayla. We just got her crib in yesterday and I needed to get that set up and ready so we are ready for Kayla when she gets home. So I learn a lot of patience and trust in knowing that we will be out of here some day. I don't have to do this forever.

Kayla day 65

Fun day today with good news. I went in today to meet with the lactation specialist, we are working with Kayla on her latching. I went in a 12p, although Kayla was awake she again wasn't very interested. We tried for more then 20 minutes but no real luck, I was told to continue to try everyday and I will meet with lactation again on Sunday. I also was able to chat with Dr. Martin today, he was Kayla's Dr when she was delivered. Happy news....Kayla took 5 full bottles in a 24 hour period, that's only 3 away from going home. At this point it's a little hard to get real excited because we just never know if the bottles will continue. Maybe it was just a good day? So we are very proud of her but try not to get to excited. Kayla took 32cc's for me after we tried breast feeding which was really good because we kept her up a long time. She also had a bottle at 6p and a full bottle for Mike at 9p that's 4 nights in a row of full bottles. Mike and I were also able to meet up with some good friends tonight, Josh and Cara. Josh graduated from high school with Mike and then they also attended UNC together. They still play basketball together and I get to catch up with Cara, she is so sweet. We haven't gotten together with them for a long time so it was really nice to catch up again. After dinner together we took them to go see Kayla, always fun to show her off. :) So Kayla is doing great, Mike and I are staying sane. We feel we can finally start to see the light at the end of the tunnel now and it's just keeps getting brighter. Kayla gained grams tonight and is still at 6lbs 5oz.

Kayla day 64

Kayla's crib came in today which is very exciting! It is so strange that I never got to go through a nesting stage and get her room ready. So I am just getting it ready while she is in NICU. Adam was very sweet and helped me pick up the crib boxes with his truck today, so what a better way to thank him than to let him hold Kayla for the first time. So after we picked up and dropped off the crib at the house Adam and I headed over to the hospital. Kayla looked a bit funny today, like the kid in Christmas Story. One of the NICU nurses made some warm outfits for the babies that work well with

the wires but the arms are really tight. So Kayla's arms just stick out even if you push them down. Kayla had a wonderful day for me today, she took three whole bottles, and as always just looked so cute in that outfit.

Kayla day 63

What a frustrating start to my day. Since I am pumping right now I have to make sure I get to the hospital in time for Kayla without being too full or not full enough. So managing time is very important, I had already pumped and was ready to go but I couldn't find my keys. I looked everywhere, I was looking in the same spots so many time and getting so frustrated I started to cry. I just wanted to see Kayla, so after crying over my situation I finally pulled it together and put a plan together. Since Jeremy works for the public schools he is the one in the family that gets off work earliest. So I called him to ask if he could take me to the hospital, thankfully he was able to come over and pick me up. Then since he took me to the hospital then he should of course be able to hold Kayla for the first time. So he got a little bonus in helping me out and got to hold Kayla which he loved and can't wait to hold her more in the future. Kayla was doing wonderful it is so nice after a stressful day to sit and hold your child. She relieved my stress and made me feel so much better about my day. I am so ready for when I don't have to drive back and forth to the hospital anymore. I know we get closer everyday, I stayed at the hospital until it was time for rounds and I had to leave. Kayce one of the day care mom's has always told me how close she lives to the hospital, close enough to walk she would say. So I called and asked if she might be able to pick me up for the hospital until rounds were done then she could drop me back off. She said yes, I got to play with her two amazing girls that I had not seen in a while and she gave me some wonderful bath items for Kayla. After Kayce took me back to the hosiptal I was able to talk to Mike and learned that we had car pooled when we went to see Kayla the other night so I had left my keys in his car. He wasn't going to get home till late so I was able to call my mom who was planning on coming to see Kayla anyway and she was able to take me home. It was a bit of a long stressful day but it all worked out and I was able to be with Kayla, as well as play with Morgan and Abby so it turned out to be a good day after all.

Kayla day 62

Tuesday, Kayla had a good day today. Still working on the bottles, so ready for her to be home. But I am learning to be patient she will come on her own time.

Kayla day 61 (37 weeks)

Kayla 37 weeks gestation, two months old today, (happy birthday) and day 80 of days at the hospital. My hope was that I would have Kayla home before her 2 month birthday, but Kayla has other plans and has decided to stay a little longer. My frustration from last night has gotten better, yet I still struggle and want to talk to the doctors for some clarification. I didn't get a call this morning because we may be getting some new little neighbors in the NICU, I think the mom is 29 weeks right now but with twins so they would be even smaller than one baby would be. But I did get a call from Beth, she is the developmental specialist with the babies in NICU. Kayla had unfortunately spit up one of her other feeds during the night last night so Wendy the night nurse, and Cynthia the day nurse contacted Beth and had her come to see what was up. We have a new plan now, I chatted with Beth for about twenty minutes as to why Kayla seems to be less interested in her bottle and what we can do to help. Thankfully Beth has helped she decided to change Kayla's green nipple a slower flow to the blue nipple a faster flow knowing that Kayla wouldn't have to do as much work in order to get the milk out. So she switched that, she also moved the bottle around more, pushing it up to her palette more like a pacifier so Kayla would naturally suck, also positioning Kayla different ways so Kayla would stay up and interested a bit longer. Well success Kayla finished that whole bottle for Beth, we haven't had more than 20cc's in the last couple of days so the whole bottle was amazing. We talked about the plans for future bottle feeds and I will meet with Beth on Thursday to check and see how Kayla does with the bottles I would like to use at home. I am also set up to talk to a lactation specialist this week to help Kayla with her latch. Also the Dr have decided to lower Kayla's calories currently 24 to 22 of the supplement they put in my breast milk. Kayla has been gaining weight wonderfully and they think that lowering her calories won't make her little body work so hard to grow that she might be more willing to wake up for her feeds. So finally something different I have been hoping we could change something in this plan to help Kayla move forward again. I just pray that this will work and we can get Kayla home???? But the most exciting news of the day....we ordered a stroller ride. I first thought it was funny that we had to put an order in for a stroller ride and get it written off from the Dr before we could do anything. Thankfully the Dr did approve and Mike and I happily packed up Kayla's new stroller and car seat in the back of the car. How cool was it to see a car seat in the back of the car, oh I can't wait. Anyway we went in at 3p for cares Kayla had just had her full bottle feed at 12p and was very out of it so we had her tube fed for her 3p cares. After that we got her all cute an snugly in her car seat, she really does fit in there better than I thought she might. Yes, she does look tiny but it's a good fit for her. We got a portable oxygen tank to travel with us, and a portable monitor to watch her #'s. And out we went, I just about jumped up and down when we got to open that NICU door with Kayla with us, no nurses no doctors, just me, Mike and Kayla. They kept telling us we couldn't take her home, I would be so tempted. :) Mike strolled her first we went to the elevators downstairs and took Kayla outside for the very first time. The weather was a little stormy but nice because it wasn't to hot or to cold for Kayla. We walked around the healing gardens and stared at Kayla the whole time with great big smiles on our faces. It would thunder a little while we were out there and we told Kayla about the rain and what noise that way. It did start to sprinkle, but Kayla just slept through it all. She did so wonderfully she was only on 25% oxygen and stayed above 98% for the whole trip. It was the highlight of the day, week, month, etc I know we will have many stroller trips in her future and was so proud to start that today. Twenty or so pictures later as well as a few videos we brought Kayla back inside and back upstairs. Put her back in the crib but left the car seat there, in hopes that Kayla might see that and think, oh I need to go home mom and dad are waiting for me. :) Mike and I went in again later that night to try out the new bottle feeding method, I fed her and used all the tools I was taught and she did great. She had 48cc's from her 55cc bottle which again is more than she's been taking for the last couple of days. I was so happy and so proud of her, then she gave us something else to be excited about she is now 6lb and 1oz. We diffidently have a newborn now, no more preemie clothes she is a beautiful, big (to us) baby. She stayed awake for all of her bottle tonight and it looks like she might be getting her daddy's eyes. So sweet, thank you Kayla for making my day can't wait to spend my life with you. Love mommy.

Kayla day 60

Another busy day for Mike and I today. Mike started off today by going to see Kayla for 9a cares with his dad. Bob hasn't seen Kayla for a week or so and she grows so fast that she really does look so much bigger every time you see her. We then met up with the rest of the Fye family to see Grandma Knauff in Loveland, she is going to leave on Monday and so the family wanted to hang out with her before she had to head back to Arizona. She has been staying with Randy so we all went up to his house and went to the lake with them. Beautiful day, the weather was just perfect for a day out on the lake, Bobby, Michelle, Aaron and Jason took one of Randy's boats out into the lake for a ride. We then went back to Randy's house and played some games, it's a tradition to always play games when we are with grandma Knauff. While we were in Loveland with family, my mom and dad went to see Kayla at the hospital. Mom was a little upset to see that the nurse didn't try bottle feeds with Kayla that day, she only got the one Mike had given her at 9a. Then she also noticed that the nurse never even unhooked to feeding tube from Kayla's last feed. So not the best info to hear when their only job is to take care of your child yet it still seems they are to busy for even that. Mike and I tried our best to get to Kayla by 8:30p because Kayla was getting stinky and needed a bath. But we got caught in some traffic yet again on the highway on our way to see her. We were able to make it there five minutes before 9p and decided to still do the bath then try the bottle after. So we were able to give Kayla's a quick bath, which we just love because it's another thing that makes us feel like we really are parents. My happiness turned into sadness as Kayla was completely not interested in a bottle and she had only had one other bottle that morning from Mike where she only had about 15cc's. She would literally push the bottle away from her, she would kick it out with her tongue. She even cried a little bit when I was trying to move her into a new position, I was so sad I was actually pleading with her saying, "please Kayla this is the only thing that is keeping you from coming home, please, please just take some of the bottle." I felt horrible for myself having to go through this pain and horrible for asking Kayla to do something she is only learning. We finally gave up on the bottle and hooked her up to the tube feed, I was hoping to make my experience a little better by allowing Kayla to nuzzle while she was getting fed. But that wasn't good because she ended up choking and spitting up a good amount of her feed all over. :( I just wanted to cry, I want the doctors to just let Kayla demand her feedings instead of always hooking her up to the tube. I want to get the tube out of her nose so the nurses don't get to feed her that way anymore. I need to get with a lactation specialist and figure out why Kayla isn't latching on to the breast much anymore. Just a hard end to my day, I still look at her and think I am so lucky to have her as my daughter and that's it's so amazing having her here with us. But I am just done now, and I want to take her home. Kayla is also 5lbs 15oz now meaning she will probably be 6lbs tomorrow, which is just so crazy to me. It's almost hard thinking about her so little any more, she is so big to us now. She was also measured and is 17 1/2 inches long now. Love my sweet sweet Kayla so much can't wait to hold her in my arms for more than an hour. Now I need to work my mind around this sadness and focus on something else. Or I just need a job. :)

Kayla day 59

Happy 2nd baby shower day to me today my Aunt Mary and cousins put together a shower for Kayla with my extended family and friends. It was so sweet, all the guests created onesies for Kayla, we played the chocolate diaper game where you melt chocolate bars in diapers and have the guests try and figure out which diaper has which candy bar in it. It was so fun looking at peoples faces as they were guessing. I got some wonderful gifts and Kayla's room is getting pretty full, we love it. Mike and I then went back to the house to drop off all of our big gifts. One of them was the stroller we had registered for, which is so wonderful because that means we can take Kayla out on a stroller ride now. After home we went to see Kayla for 6p cares because Mike and I are planning to see a movie tonight. Mike tried a bottle with Kayla but she was really not interested, again so frustrating since it seems she is taking less and less in the amount in her feeds. :( After her feed Mike and I were able to make it to Chipotle to eat, yum! Then we went to see Inception, awesome movie by the way, we already want to see it again. We are hoping it will be the last movie date night we will have for a while? Crossing our fingers that this coming week might be Kayla's last in NICU???? Who knows now, it's completely up to Kayla and it seems we are going backwards on the feeds so I hope the coming week will go forwards again. But Kayla is doing very well at gaining weight she is at 5lbs 13oz now, so big she's the biggest one in the NICU right now!