So frustrated!!

So I got the worse news yesterday. I had my follicle check appointment yesterday at 2:45pm. I was nervous going into it because my biggest worry would be for them to cancel the cycle. When looking at the ultrasound I started crying already, I still have eight on my left and five on my right side. I noticed they were pretty large in size but did notice that I had one taking the lead on each side like last time. This gave me some hope thinking I might be still able to go forward if the others aren't to large. So I was very anxious to get the measurements. After ultrasound my measurements came out to be one at 17mm one at 15mm and one at 14mm. I was happy with this, I have been told before that 18 to 22mm is mature and ready to release so knowing that I only had one that was close at 17mm I should be good. Well I was transferred to the consulting offices and it took a while longer for Lisa to come in and I felt that only meant one thing...bad news. The first thing Lisa my nurse said when she came in was you did so well this cycle, almost to well. She said she talked to Dr. Minjarez and they would like to cancel the rest of this cycle not because I didn't do well but because of my incompetent cervix. I was so mad, I didn't want to cancel I said I know the risks my OB doctor knows the risks. I will get a cerclage early I will get an even better cerclage if twins were to happen and so on. Lisa told me there was nothing I could do, no paper for me to sign, nothing. I am sure my body language was not pleasant, I asked her if I didn't have an incompetent cervix if they would move forward with the cycle, and she said yes. That is where I wanted to cry, I already have infertility issues but now I have to add on the incompetent cervix that won't allow me to continue with what is considered a good cycle. I asked what the biggest risk was with this cycle, they said the risk of twins was 35% and I would be at risk for miscarriage. So I asked yet again if I know the risk I still can't move on? Lisa just shook her head then I was just hopeless. I said there is nothing I can do or say to move forward? Lisa just shook her head, then said that Dr. Minjarez doesn't even want me to do injections next time she only wants to do letrezole which is basically clomid but without the thickened cervical mucus. We never got close with clomid so it makes me nervous that it won't work and will just be a waste of money. But then at the same time if I get more follicles in an injection cycle it might be a waste of money if they don't let us move forward. If you can't sense my frustration it's up there! So I leave the dr's office with no hope and disappointment, I thought I had my own choice. I thought I had more options I never knew that not only would I have to deal with my infertility but that my incompetent cervix would play such an unfortunate role as well. But I have a wonderful husband, mom and friends that have been comforting me during this time and I am so thankful. I will still keep you updated as we figure out new plans.

Phone Call

Here we go with another day of nerves. Lisa called around 2pm today to tell me the following, "Dr. Minjarez is not happy with how many follicles you have and is considering a cancel because of incompetent cervix." This is not what I wanted to hear today, I wanted to hear that they want me to do my trigger shot tomorrow night and IUI on Friday. Now my head is going crazy, I get so mad at my cervix if I didn't have IC this would be no issue at all. But now I have to go in for ultrasound tomorrow at 2:45pm to make sure the other follicles aren't catching up to the biggest that are taking the lead. I had one at 15mm and one at 14mm, today they would be at 17mm and 15mm so one more day from prime time to release. I am just praying over and over again that we can continue with this cycle. Wondering how much say I have, anything and everything is going through my mind right now. Cerclages, bed-rest, twins, preemies, hyper-stimulation. I would do all of it again in a second to have the chance for another baby. All I want is the chance, I can't turn this down. Please God let us be able to continue with this cycle and we just pray that we will be blessed. So I guess I can leave you at that, appointment is tomorrow I will update you then.

Appointment #2

I was very anxious for this appointment to get here today. Yesterday I was having some cramping and what felt like my left ovary was very full. It would get worse when sitting and when my bladder was full. So like many I am sure I googled it and seemed to be pretty normal I was just nervous that maybe a follicle had already matured and I was going to ovulate before we were ready. But today was my appointment and as nervous as I was it turned out just fine. Phew!! My uterine lining was looking great so I knew right away I hadn't ovulated already. She looked at the right side first where I had about five follicles but only one was taking the lead at 14mm. The others were around 6mm to 8mm. Then to the left side where I had been cramping, now it makes since I have about 8 follicles on the left side but again only one maturing follicle that is taking the lead at 15mm. The others were about the same 5mm to 8mm, so my first thought was that us women only ovulate on one side so I would be good to go because I only had one maturing follicle on each side not really two. But I had to have the "talk" with the nurse who explained to me that Dr. Minjarez would need my permission to go forward with the cycle or she would cancel because there were two maturing follicles and I have that unfortunate incompetent cervix. So now I know that regardless of what side the mature follicles are on using my trigger shot will release all the possible eggs for hopeful implantation. So there is a chance of twins, but we also had two mature follicles with Kayla and we got our one precious gift, so you never know. We of course are just praying for one miracle child but are ready if God chooses to bless us with two. :) Right now I am just waiting for tomorrow, the two follicles and my permission to move forward needs to be reviewed with Dr. Minjarez. Then we will either trigger the follicles tomorrow or Wednesday, we are hoping for Wednesday because my follicles will be at their best that day close to 19mm or 18mm rather than 15mm and 16mm which are considered almost mature. So I may just trigger or I might have one more ultrasound and IUI on either Thursday or Friday. Please keep us in your prayers that we will be blessed again. I will update you when I get my phone call tomorrow.

Update

Well I just took injection #2 last night. It is a weird feeling I am having this last week. This time just seems to be so causal and I hope that's a good thing? So changes that happened were that when I was successful in getting pregnant with Kayla I was given a pill to soften my cervix. Reason why was because I had bad IUI's hurtful IUI's that made me cry, so the pill really helped. I hoped I might get the pill again since my last IUI in August was a rough one as well. But my incompetent cervix doesn't help my cause and Dr. Minjarez didn't want to risk my chance of losing a baby. Which is of course a good thing but now I am nervous about it all. I guess I first just need to pray that we don't have too many mature follicles and we are good to go for IUI. Anyway just wanted to add the quick update, next appointment is on Monday, hope we get some good news. :)

Appointment #1

First appointment today, I finished provera on Wednesday and started my period on Saturday. Usually they like for me to come in on cycle day 1 or 2 but because it was a weekend Monday worked just fine. So cycle day 3 I went in for an ultrasound to make sure there weren't any large cysts that would prevent an egg from releasing. Thankfully the ovaries looked good and we are set to go. Letrozole tabs and Follistim injections will start tonight, I am really excited to try again and pray everything goes smoothly.

Letrozole tonight, injections on 2/13, 2/15 and 2/17 this time around. Different from last time where I did injections every day on cycle days 5 though 9.

Mike would buy Kayla a Pony.

Mike and I went to a wedding for a friend of his and we brought Kayla along. She did so well, we enjoyed dancing with her and showing her off. But Kayla did something for her daddy that he will never forget that night. While about to leave Kayla kept pulling on Mike's face so that he would look at her. When he finally looked over and said "what Kayla?" she took out her binky and gave her daddy a big kiss, then put the binky back in. Mike said his heart just melted, and he went on to say that if want after that kiss "I will buy you a pony!" So sweet, we just love our little girl.

Trying Again

So reading back on my blog August 29th was when we last tried to get pregnant and results were negative. After that had happened I lost a full time family because the dad had lost his job. And as you know if you have infertility issues trying for babies is not cheap, so we had to wait till we had the money to try again. Thankfully this last month has given us the income we need as well as doing our taxes early. :) So we are trying again this month of February, we would love your prayers that God will bless us with another miracle and I will keep you updated on the progress.

Thank you.