Reproduction Endocrinologist

After a full year of clomid and no success at getting pregnant we were sent off to a Reproductive Endocrinologist, where the appointments get more frequent and more expensive but again to us it was completely worth it. Mike and I had to do more tests before we could get started, even though we knew the issue was my PCOS. So I was a bit upset when the dr. wanted to try a couple rounds of letrezole before getting started with follicle stimulation hormones letrezole is basically clomid but a different brand. When those cycles didn't work, which I had a feeling they wouldn't be we finally got to the shots part and our first two attempts with the shots were unsuccessful. We are told they like to only do three cycles of the shots and we were at the last step before needing to do in-vitro in which we knew we could not afford. But “third time is a charm” came true for us and we got pregnant with our daughter in November 2009. We were beyond excited, things were going so well we had a great house, jobs we loved and a baby on the way when we thought we might not get pregnant at all. So blessed. “It is the most powerful creation to have life growing inside of you. There is no bigger gift.” - Beyonce

Moving on

After a year and a half of living with my father in-law and saving up Mike and I were able to buy a house in 2007. The house would be perfect for us to start a family, but we knew in our situation that we would have to save up in order to try for a baby. Infertility is expensive but we felt it was completely worth it. In 2008 we started trying to have our first child with the simple first step, a fertility drug called Clomid, while actively trying without conceiving we still kept busy and pushed forward with our dreams. I was a nanny during this time working with children because that is my passion and having a house gave me the option of starting my dream job of being a home child care provider. In 2009 I was able to start my business with two of the families I had previously nannied for and was full within my first six months with six children every day and 5 different families. “The strongest people are not those who show strength in front of us but those who min battles we know nothing about.” – Infertility quotes

Reflecting

Life is a bit stressful at this time and to try and get my mind off of the stress I have been reflecting on my story. So I thought I would start to share some of my adult past and remember the craziness of Kayla's story as well. In 2006 almost one year into our marriage Mike and I learned that I had infertility. We both never imagined our life without children, I was diagnosed with PCOS and thought my worst fear was going to happen. PCOS is polycystic ovarian syndrome, more common than people think but difficult when it comes to getting pregnant. It is not curable though some feel it is very treatable and something many women are probably born with. “The most precious jewels you’ll ever have around your neck are the arms of your children.” - Unknown

Crawlers

Well we officially have two crawlers now! Brooke is all over the place and loving it, she will crawl over to the sliding glass door and watch Kinley play then also loves to run her fingers over the heating vents because it makes a very neat sound. Jordyn decided it was her turn to explore more just yesterday and it now loving that she can find the smallest items on the ground to pick up and put in her mouth. Kinley had some stick from outside that she brought in it was very tiny and I didn't notice it, but Jordyn did! It's is so fun watching these two girls grow so differently and yet be the same age, they are growing like crazy and eating a ton. We go through about 6 to 8 jar foods a day, burning all those extra calories crawling around everywhere. We are still struggling with the whole potty training thing with Kayla. I don't know where I have gone wrong I have successfully potty trained many children but yet I can't train my own....very frustrating! She seems like she is interested but freaks out when we get to the toilet no incentive is working like I hoped. Keep us in your prayers as I am still trying to find a job so we can keep our heads above water, this process has been very hard and many tears have come with the unknown. We know the Lord will provide but just wish his timing was a bit sooner. :)

New Year

So I am not the best at keeping up with my blog, since Jordyn is 8 months old now and in my last post she hadn't even come home from the hospital yet. But she is home now both Brooke and Jordyn are healthy and growing wonderfully. Brooke has three teeth two on bottom and one on top and just started crawling. Jordyn has no teeth but is still and always has been two inches taller than Brooke she does not turn away any food and loves to talk. First word was "dada" but "mama" came just a couple of days ago, so exciting! She is very close to crawling, but is currently still a pro at the downward dog position.I hope to keep up with my blog much better in this year of 2014 as I am sure many others are too. So we will see how well it goes.

Jordyn Day 12

Happy day with Jordyn today, Mike and I went in for Jordyn's 4pm cares today because Mike had a softball game at 6:15p. We went in about 3pm and Mike held Jordyn while I pumped just a little so I wouldn't be to full to nurse Jordyn. At 4pm I was able to nurse Jordyn again and she is still such a champ. Jordyn nursed for 10 minutes and had no issues at all, yes she still breaths quickly sometimes but she isn't uncomfortable or in distress. Mike and I see how well Jordyn nurses and I know how my flow comes in and we still don't understand why they won't try a bottle with her. We want Jordyn to move forward and it seems they just want to keep her where she is. But I got a call from the NICU nurse tonight and she asked if Mike and I wanted to be there for Jordyn's first bath and I was so thankful that I got a call first, instead of them just doing these things first. But something I wasn't told about was that this nurse had tried a bottle for Jordyn's 7pm cares! I was so pleased that some one had finally tried we just want these nurses to try and move forward, but she noticed that Jordyn started breathing fast again, surprise surprise so she stopped the bottle after only 5cc. So I was very pleased to hear that someone had finally tried but a little discouraged that she didn't try for very long. Jordyn is getting better on her breathing so we are very thankful for that, we also got to visit with Dr. Adelburg she was my perinatalagist and she feels like she put me into labor because she tried to hard to get my cerclage out. I feel if it was meant to be it was meant to be, and feel bad that she feels it was her fault. So we do have some good positives for today, I hope we can continue to see nurses trying bottles. That's where I wish I could just stay with Jordyn all day and just nurse her all day as well, but having another baby at home makes that a bit difficult. Hopefully we can continue to move forward a bit and I can hopefully have my baby girl home before Mother's Day that is my prayer.

Jordyn Day 11

We had a good day today, Mike and I were able to go in for Jordyn's 7pm cares today and because I was able to chat with the nurse practitioner earlier today I was able to finally get the go ahead to nurse Jordyn with a full breast. So so thankful, that we get to finally take a step forward in this NICU process. I have been so down about this NICU experience, I feel God has taught us so much patience in our lives with Kayla being in NICU for three months, with Bailey unknown sicknesses and with small things like budgeting and waiting for even the small things that others might take for granted. I feel that I should for some reason be exempt now and because I made it to 36 weeks I shouldn't have to be tested with patience anymore. So it's a hard place to be when you get angry with God sometimes with not understanding why he chooses to give you these challenges. But I know there will be a reason for it all, it's just a process that I will get to in my own time. I am still so thankful for my three girls and knowing that they are healthy and I will get to bring Jordyn home some day. These weeks have been feeling more like months to me, so when I am able to step back and realize it has only been a little over a week I can take a deep breath. But again so thankful for family, health and an incredible husband that stays stable and consistent in my life which is so nice when it seems so many other things are so all over the place. Jordyn did great at nursing, she latched on and stayed on for 5 to 7 minutes Mike and I watched the monitors like a hawk. But Jordyn did wonderfully with no desats or discomfort, and I knew she would, mom's always know right. :) So I plan to keep that up everyday now and hopefully one of these days I can do two or three. I feel we are getting so close yet we are so far away. Some day my whole family will be home....some day.

Jordyn Day 10

Anger and frustration today, at about 2:30pm I called the NICU because I usually hear from the doctor around 12:30 or 1pm and I hadn't heard anything yet. So I wanted to get an update on Jordyn and was so thankful I called because that nurse tells me they are out of my milk and if I had not called she was just going to give Jordyn formula. ARE YOU KIDDING ME!! I had to call you for you to tell me this, it should be in Jordyn's notes that she does not get anything other than my milk, I am not working this hard to give her formula. I was so mad, so I had to quickly get myself ready so I could get to the hospital before 4pm cares so I could get them more milk. This kind of thing makes me wish I could transfer Jordyn over to Littleton yet again, they always called me to update me on what the plan was for the day or they would tell me a day ahead of time that they were running low on milk and needed more. I was able to get there right at 4pm I had time before to pump for Jordyn so they had some nice warm milk to give her right away when I got there. Then when I got there I had asked how Jordyn was doing for the day, the nurse tells me. "You know your daughter she breathes fast, see if you look at her chest how quickly it rises and falls." My face had to be great to see when I looked back at her, I wanted so bad to say "NO WAY Jordyn breaths fast I had no idea, now I understand why she is in NICU." I of course held out my anger and didn't say a word but really, we are at day 10 in NICU and I feel like they talk to me like I have no idea why Jordyn is in NICU. I just held Jordyn and prayed to whole time, I want her home so bad this the third time I have been so upset that I just wanted to take all her wires off and run out of the hospital with her. I am struggling with the NICU so much and I am so ready to get her out of there. But I have to learn more patience and know it is all in God's timing. On a happy note Mike had Bob, Bobby, David, Adam, Jeremy, Liz and my dad all came over today to put together the shed. I have wanted a shed since we moved into this house 5 years ago and we finally have one! It looks great, it's in the perfect place I am so excited now I want so bad to organize it. But I have to hold myself back I just had two babies a week ago, I have to remember that. :)

Jordyn Day 9

Well surprise, surprise not much of a change for Jordyn today that yesterday it's still the same story. She is still breathing quickly and they won't let her bottle or breast feed yet. The best I got was that I was able to let her nuzzle at the breast and she was a champ, I don't think we will have any issues breastfeeding her. But I just want to bring her home, I never thought she would be in NICU so I diffidently didn't think she would be there this long. So ready for a change!

Jordyn Day 8

Jordyn had a good progress day today. She was able to go off the pressure oxygen and on to a normal oxygen nasal cannula, she is continuing to increase on her feeding amount up to 41cc's. Because her food is increasing the amount of meds she needs is decreasing so she should be able to get her IV's out tomorrow. Lastly the moved her feeding tube from her mouth to her nose which will make it easier for her to feed when we can try. I was hoping we would be able to bottle or breast feed today but they are still concerned with how fast she is breathing and don't want to try yet. She and Brooke are at the same weight right now both 6lbs 4oz, so Jordyn is gaining good weight as well. We have learned that Jordyn takes her time and makes her own rules so we continue to wait and see what the next day brings, then the next day.....we really pray she might be home by the middle of next week. But we will WAIT and see.

One Week Old

Both Brooke and Jordyn are one week old today! Brooke had her first Dr's appointment today and did great! She is already back up to her birth weight of 6lbs 4oz and eating like a champ about 2oz each feeding now. I am still very frustrated with Swedish NICU, I never received a call from the doctor today to see if we were moving forward with bottle feeds or not. So I called and found out that are not wanting to proceed because of Jordyn's breathing rate which has been high ever since she was born. It's hard because one doctor had said maybe this is just Jordyn and how she breathes so it shouldn't keep us back from trying to move forward with her. It seems all doctors have different thoughts on what the next step should be for these babies and I wish they were all on the same page. So no bottle feed today and we are still at the same place we were yesterday.

Jordyn Day 6

Jordyn had a wonderful day today, we got a call from the doctor and are happy to say the horrible CPAPP is off!!! Hooray, we sure didn't like that machine and we know Jordyn didn't either, she is on a bit of pressure oxygen now and it is just through nasal canula so we get to see her pretty face now. One thing they didn't tell us on the phone was that Jordyn is also in an open crib so she is maintaining her temp, she is also increasing on feedings everyday and today she is up to 30cc's (one ounce.) So we are getting closer they say that she might be able to feed from a bottle tomorrow so we will have to wait and see, fingers crossed.

Jordyn Day 5

No big changes for Jordyn today, she is still on CPAPP, I wish she could get that off. Mike and I were able to go in and hold her, then she also got a visit from David and Cheryl. They had not met Jordyn yet so it was nice that they could see her, they were at the hospital today because Cheryl's sister delivered her third son at Swedish. They are still increasing Jordyn's feedings everyday so she is getting close to being back at birth weight. Hope we are getting closer, it seems we are so close but so far away from bringing her home.

35 weeks

35 weeks this week and I feel huge. It feels like the babies are finding any unused space possible in my stomach and filling it up. I don't get hungry and all I want to do is sleep all the time. My poor daughter is just the best daughter in the world as she brings me stuffed animals when I drift off on the couch. I can't wait to take her on a walk, or to the park again but am so blessed that she plays so well by herself and thankful for the Disney channel right now too. This period of time will probably be the most amount of time she will watch this much tv. Although I don't sleep much and still scratch all over all the time I am so thankful I am still pregnant. I am beyond excited that I will get to hear my girls cry for the first time as I never got to hear Kayla's for over a week. Then the thought of being able to hold my babies moments after I have them is almost unreal. I had my appointment with Dr. Becker on Wednesday this week, they checked me for group B this apt and made sure I was not dilating. I have been feeling funny, but my blood pressure has stayed steady and low actually. But I was sent over to get blood work to check my liver and gall bladder to make sure I wasn't feeling funny because of a different problem. Everything is coming back normal, I am not dilated at all, my blood work came back normal I just feel this way because I have two babies in me. My group B was also perfect as normal is 0 to 5 and I am 2.99, so everything is really going well. Although I wish I were more hungry these babies need to grow so much and I just never feel like eating, don't worry I do eat I just snack all day. I am getting nervous and excited for next week, I will be 36 weeks on Monday and get my cerclage out. I have about a 50/50 chance of going into labor or keeping them in there. Because it's hard to tell how the babies are positioned now I get to do another ultrasound on Monday as well. They will check approximate weights and see if Baby A is head down. I still pray for that every day but have also accepted that if a c-section is what I need it is meant to be. I would love to stay pregnant until I am 37 weeks because these babies would not have a label of preemie attached them them instead they would both be considered term. But Mike and I are also very ready for their arrival. It is getting so close......so close!

34 weeks

The beginning of week 34 started well and calm. Mike had to do some very important work related stuff on Monday so we prayed that babies would stay in. They did, Tuesday was a bit off as I was feeling a bit nauseous and Mike had a snow day that so it was nice to have him there, this week I just feel more funny. But Mike kept thanking me for keeping the babies in as he was really doing well on catching up and getting ready for them more at work. I had my appointment with Dr. Becker on Thursday, I was able to get the stitches removed from the biopsy I got for my PUPPS. I asked a few questions, and the babies were doing great with strong heart rates. I was tired and itchy like normal but feeling good that we were getting close to 35 weeks another great milestone to get to. But on Saturday we had a scare that morning we had Bob came over to help Mike fix the water damage we have in our downstairs bathroom. The appraiser had said it would help us in our appraisal if we fixed that area, Bob was also able to fix the door that was very horribly made in our laundry room since it was literally tearing off the wall. But I was feeling very funny that day, I had had no sleep that night before usually baby A lets me sleep on my right side more comfortably then baby B likes so I usually always sleep on my right side. Well baby A was no ok with that Friday night and I could not get comfortable, or sleep longer than maybe an hour. So I was exhausted and just not feeling right, but I didn't think I was having contractions just bowel movement cramping or something. But as the day went on the pain was getting worse, I started getting sharp painful pains in my cervix area, it didn't feel like a contraction to me but a very sharp shooting pain that would go away pretty quickly. I called Dr. Becker to see what she thought, she said to drink a lot of water and lay down and see if it gets any better. The pains would get better when laying down but when I got up it was an intense sharp pain right away. Texting Dr. Becker back and forth that these pains were not getting better the decision was made to go to the hospital. So I freak out, I don't want these babies yet I have all these mini goals in my head that I want to hit before they come and I was getting scared. The part I fear the most is how quick everything went when I went into the hospital with Kayla. All of the sudden I had 5 people in the room giving me shots in each arm moving onto a roller bed and trying their best to quickly explain what is going to happen very soon. It was very scary and so unknown and I really don't want that again. So going into the hospital unexpected is hard for me, but Mike and I were ready getting all needed bags packed for the just in case

Back to the unknown....

Well after almost of month of a somewhat "normal" Bailey, she still would only drink out of the bathtub and got sick of food in a week. But she was happy, eating, drinking, etc and we were happy with her progress. But on Monday this week Bailey has gone back to where she was before and this time it seems a bit worse than the first. I think I might have found a connection, since Bailey had been sick in December we started her on a new dog food that my parents dog Kooshy had. This was because Bailey was not eating at home I would take her to the vet near my parents home and then bring her over and tell them the updates. While not eating all day with us she would go to Kooshy's food right away and eat it quick as she could. So she had been eating that food ever since, but over the weekend we had run out and Bailey was doing well, but picky so we got a new Iams food. Bailey had been eating Iams before all this happened so we figured she would like it and eat it. She did like it and she had it for a couple of days then she started throwing up again, then the shakes came back, then she completely stopped eating and drinking again. So the first thing I looked up was Iams dog food, well I found a couple of connections. Iams dog food has been linked to chemical reactions causing renal disease, seizures, etc so we stopped the food, she wasn't eating it anyway and I emailed her doctor. Although the doctor didn't rule out that this could be the problem she didn't believe this would cause the large kidneys that Bailey has, but I am sticking to it for now. But in the days following Bailey has been getting a lot worse than she had been before. She is very lethargic, and throwing up 15 if not more times a day as well as losing more hair. Our bedroom looks absolutely horrible as this stuff stains like crazy. :( She wakes up and throws up through out the night then it continues through out the day, I feel so bad for her and feel there just isn't anything we can do. We had a bag and a half of fluid left for her so I gave her half last night hoping it might help, not sure if it did or not. But I will give her the whole bag today and see if it changes her mood or not. So now we are back to being lost in the Bailey puzzle, the doctor still wants to look for cancer with a biopsy. That biopsy costs $1500 and there could be a chance for the results to come back negative like many of the other tests we have taken have been. To the doctors it's the only option left, they have no answer for us. That's where I feel we have spent over $3000 on tests that have given us no answer, so now they have to pay for the next test. I am thinking it might be a good idea to take Bailey in for a day in the hospital on IV fluids to see if it will help but that will be $700. It's such a lost feeling to have the complete unknown is so hard to make decisions on things when we have so little money to begin with and we have twins on the way we are trying save for. So I have again e-mailed Bailey's doctor I hope to get a response back on some ideas or what she thinks might be best for our situation. I will try my best to keep this updated as this mess continues.

Good news for Bailey...

After over a month of nothing but bad news with Bailey we actually got some good news yesterday. Bailey went in for another blood draw on Monday to see where her kidney levels were and red blood count. The Dr. called and said, "I don't know why but I actually have good news for Bailey today." Some how something we have given Bailey has helped and her kidney level went down from 100 to 71 and her red blood count from 7.0 to 4.0. These are still not normal levels but they are better and we like better, so now we just wait and see. Bailey ends her ulcer medication this week, I wonder if this will affect her in any way. The only part that's hard is we don't know what helped, was it a bacterial infection we fixed? Or did the chemo she received help improve her health, it just took her longer to respond? So we have to wait and see if she stays happy and continues to eat and drink or if she starts to decline again. But we would rather wait and see then put down $1500 to look for cancer that may or may not actually be there. The Dr. has told us many times that's what she wants us to do, I sure it's tough for a Dr. not to know what is wrong with a patient. But she will have to wait as well. We hope and pray for the best with Bailey, she will go in for another blood level check in about two weeks. Maybe the numbers will be even lower then...you never know. :)

24 Weeks

What a roller coaster appointment yesterday. I had my 24 week apt with Dr. Becker at 2pm, this was also my blood glucose draw so hopefully those results come back good. First I had the hardest time finding a place to park, and ending up on the 5th level of the parking garage. It's difficult for a pregnant woman to get around so having to park so far away was already tough. Dr. Becker then did an alpha protein swab this can indicate a possible early delivery. Or a delivery that could come in the next two weeks, then we did the cervix check. Looked good to me but the technician didn't say anything while scanning, and then took some quick not so good blurry pictures of the babies. (If I was ever a ultrasound tech and would try hard to get a good pic of the baby for the mom's to take home.) After that it was back to the waiting room then called back for the glucose blood draw, I was bummed that I forgot to have them do a thyroid check with my blood draw so I will have to add then in my next appointment. After Dr. Becker measured my stomach which is measuring 34 weeks, and I'm only 24, (I am going to be so big) she showed me my ultrasound pictures of my cervix. What she saw was a funnel of black that was coming down the cervix, she said it looked like the water bag and I need to go see Dr. Adelberg to confirm, but because of this I will need to start bed rest that day. First I would need to be monitored for contractions and get my alpha protein results back. If I showed I was having contractions I could be admitted to the hospital, and if my alpha protein came back positive I could need a steroid shot for the babies. So my world just turned upside down, she was asking how I was going to tell parents about me being on bed rest. If I had some sort of help with Kayla and telling me what I can do while I lay in bed all day, and hopefully at home and not in the hospital. So I cry, freak out a bit about money issues, call Mike hope to not cry while talking to him but I can't keep it in. Mike was so positive usually I am the one who stays more positive in situations like this but he was my rock when I needed him. While I am walking to Dr. Adelbergs office everything is going through my mind, can Adam move in with us, what am I going to tell the parents. How are we going to handle this financially, I take a deep breathe and call my mom to update her. She can't believe it, so close to when I went in with Kayla and we thought everything was going so well. But she was staying positive too. I got to Dr. Adelbergs, while waiting to be called back I cry again these situations are tough, adding on pregnancy hormones does not help. I got called back and they put me on the contraction monitor and left me in the room until a room became available. I was thankful to see no action on the monitor, it stayed a very nice straight line the whole time. When a room became available I went in for another cervix check. When the tech looked she said it looked normal to her, I didn't know what that meant I was still in shock. The tech then told me to watch the black area on the ultrasound while they pushed on my stomach, when they did this my water sac should be protruding out but it wasn't. They tried this twice and both times noticed that the fluid didn't change, so I felt happy about this but still didn't know what it meant for bed rest and future. Finally Dr. Adelberg came in, and settled all my concerns, the black they are seeing must be mucus which also shows up black in an ultrasound. She doesn't think it could be amniotic fluid because nothing changed both times they pushed on my belly. So I can still work, but they were still up in the air about the steroid shot. Thankfully my alpha protein came back negative, and I was finally able to go home, I was there for three hours, cried three times and was finally able to breathe a sigh of relief. But I do have to keep my life calm, no exercise, not much lifting, and sitting with my feet up as much as I can. This is much better than bed rest, I pray I can continue to stay "together" my next appointment in two weeks with Dr. Adelberg again. This will be at 26 weeks, it will be crazy to be home at 26 weeks with two babies healthy in my belly, even more crazy at 28 weeks, but I can do it with God's help of course. :)Keep the good positive prayers coming!

Doing well....

Well this last week has been very nice for us, we got to see a "normal" side of Bailey. She has been eating and drinking pretty normally these last couple of days. Although she won't drink from her normal bowl she has to drink from the bath tub or bowls outside. She has been eating right when I put the food in her bowl, treats when we leave the house and it's so wonderful to see and hear. It's so strange we don't what is wrong with her or if we fixed something with the medicine we have given her but we will take it. It's weird that Mike and I got a little excited when Bailey got into the trash the other day or when she steals food from the table. But we are just so excited to see her eating, drinking and not shaking anymore. We will have to go in for another blood draw next week and see where her levels are at. Maybe she can be a miracle dog and her numbers will be down, you never know with Bailey. :)

23 weeks

I am starting to get nervous, 23 weeks is only two weeks away from 25 weeks. 25 weeks was when I went into the hospital with Kayla. Although I am feeling confident that this pregnancy will be full term it's still messing with my head a bit. I have been doing a bit of the nesting stage pregnant mom's do, because for me I feel I need things ready by 28 weeks. It's been nice though because I have been getting stuff done, we got the second crib with Adam's truck, thank you Adam. Then I was also able to start cleaning and organizing the garage so we can move things out of the room, and start cleaning and organizing the room which has been fun. The bummer part of this week was some new uncomfortably, I think my belly is growing again because I have been in some good pain. It's been really hard to sleep and then Kayla got sick with a fever which kept her up at night too, so it was a bit of a hard week for us this week. But I was able to get some protein shakes that I will try, GNC stuff sure is expensive! But now I want the pregnancy pillow which looks like a big pillow shaped like a C. I am hoping it might help me sleep, the reviews have been good and many pregnant moms said once they got it they weren't able to sleep without it. Hopefully I can get some new relief soon and more sleep, Kayla's fever has gone away and she is sleeping better now.