Reproduction Endocrinologist

After a full year of clomid and no success at getting pregnant we were sent off to a Reproductive Endocrinologist, where the appointments get more frequent and more expensive but again to us it was completely worth it. Mike and I had to do more tests before we could get started, even though we knew the issue was my PCOS. So I was a bit upset when the dr. wanted to try a couple rounds of letrezole before getting started with follicle stimulation hormones letrezole is basically clomid but a different brand. When those cycles didn't work, which I had a feeling they wouldn't be we finally got to the shots part and our first two attempts with the shots were unsuccessful. We are told they like to only do three cycles of the shots and we were at the last step before needing to do in-vitro in which we knew we could not afford. But “third time is a charm” came true for us and we got pregnant with our daughter in November 2009. We were beyond excited, things were going so well we had a great house, jobs we loved and a baby on the way when we thought we might not get pregnant at all. So blessed. “It is the most powerful creation to have life growing inside of you. There is no bigger gift.” - Beyonce

Moving on

After a year and a half of living with my father in-law and saving up Mike and I were able to buy a house in 2007. The house would be perfect for us to start a family, but we knew in our situation that we would have to save up in order to try for a baby. Infertility is expensive but we felt it was completely worth it. In 2008 we started trying to have our first child with the simple first step, a fertility drug called Clomid, while actively trying without conceiving we still kept busy and pushed forward with our dreams. I was a nanny during this time working with children because that is my passion and having a house gave me the option of starting my dream job of being a home child care provider. In 2009 I was able to start my business with two of the families I had previously nannied for and was full within my first six months with six children every day and 5 different families. “The strongest people are not those who show strength in front of us but those who min battles we know nothing about.” – Infertility quotes

Reflecting

Life is a bit stressful at this time and to try and get my mind off of the stress I have been reflecting on my story. So I thought I would start to share some of my adult past and remember the craziness of Kayla's story as well. In 2006 almost one year into our marriage Mike and I learned that I had infertility. We both never imagined our life without children, I was diagnosed with PCOS and thought my worst fear was going to happen. PCOS is polycystic ovarian syndrome, more common than people think but difficult when it comes to getting pregnant. It is not curable though some feel it is very treatable and something many women are probably born with. “The most precious jewels you’ll ever have around your neck are the arms of your children.” - Unknown

Crawlers

Well we officially have two crawlers now! Brooke is all over the place and loving it, she will crawl over to the sliding glass door and watch Kinley play then also loves to run her fingers over the heating vents because it makes a very neat sound. Jordyn decided it was her turn to explore more just yesterday and it now loving that she can find the smallest items on the ground to pick up and put in her mouth. Kinley had some stick from outside that she brought in it was very tiny and I didn't notice it, but Jordyn did! It's is so fun watching these two girls grow so differently and yet be the same age, they are growing like crazy and eating a ton. We go through about 6 to 8 jar foods a day, burning all those extra calories crawling around everywhere. We are still struggling with the whole potty training thing with Kayla. I don't know where I have gone wrong I have successfully potty trained many children but yet I can't train my own....very frustrating! She seems like she is interested but freaks out when we get to the toilet no incentive is working like I hoped. Keep us in your prayers as I am still trying to find a job so we can keep our heads above water, this process has been very hard and many tears have come with the unknown. We know the Lord will provide but just wish his timing was a bit sooner. :)

New Year

So I am not the best at keeping up with my blog, since Jordyn is 8 months old now and in my last post she hadn't even come home from the hospital yet. But she is home now both Brooke and Jordyn are healthy and growing wonderfully. Brooke has three teeth two on bottom and one on top and just started crawling. Jordyn has no teeth but is still and always has been two inches taller than Brooke she does not turn away any food and loves to talk. First word was "dada" but "mama" came just a couple of days ago, so exciting! She is very close to crawling, but is currently still a pro at the downward dog position.I hope to keep up with my blog much better in this year of 2014 as I am sure many others are too. So we will see how well it goes.

Jordyn Day 12

Happy day with Jordyn today, Mike and I went in for Jordyn's 4pm cares today because Mike had a softball game at 6:15p. We went in about 3pm and Mike held Jordyn while I pumped just a little so I wouldn't be to full to nurse Jordyn. At 4pm I was able to nurse Jordyn again and she is still such a champ. Jordyn nursed for 10 minutes and had no issues at all, yes she still breaths quickly sometimes but she isn't uncomfortable or in distress. Mike and I see how well Jordyn nurses and I know how my flow comes in and we still don't understand why they won't try a bottle with her. We want Jordyn to move forward and it seems they just want to keep her where she is. But I got a call from the NICU nurse tonight and she asked if Mike and I wanted to be there for Jordyn's first bath and I was so thankful that I got a call first, instead of them just doing these things first. But something I wasn't told about was that this nurse had tried a bottle for Jordyn's 7pm cares! I was so pleased that some one had finally tried we just want these nurses to try and move forward, but she noticed that Jordyn started breathing fast again, surprise surprise so she stopped the bottle after only 5cc. So I was very pleased to hear that someone had finally tried but a little discouraged that she didn't try for very long. Jordyn is getting better on her breathing so we are very thankful for that, we also got to visit with Dr. Adelburg she was my perinatalagist and she feels like she put me into labor because she tried to hard to get my cerclage out. I feel if it was meant to be it was meant to be, and feel bad that she feels it was her fault. So we do have some good positives for today, I hope we can continue to see nurses trying bottles. That's where I wish I could just stay with Jordyn all day and just nurse her all day as well, but having another baby at home makes that a bit difficult. Hopefully we can continue to move forward a bit and I can hopefully have my baby girl home before Mother's Day that is my prayer.

Jordyn Day 11

We had a good day today, Mike and I were able to go in for Jordyn's 7pm cares today and because I was able to chat with the nurse practitioner earlier today I was able to finally get the go ahead to nurse Jordyn with a full breast. So so thankful, that we get to finally take a step forward in this NICU process. I have been so down about this NICU experience, I feel God has taught us so much patience in our lives with Kayla being in NICU for three months, with Bailey unknown sicknesses and with small things like budgeting and waiting for even the small things that others might take for granted. I feel that I should for some reason be exempt now and because I made it to 36 weeks I shouldn't have to be tested with patience anymore. So it's a hard place to be when you get angry with God sometimes with not understanding why he chooses to give you these challenges. But I know there will be a reason for it all, it's just a process that I will get to in my own time. I am still so thankful for my three girls and knowing that they are healthy and I will get to bring Jordyn home some day. These weeks have been feeling more like months to me, so when I am able to step back and realize it has only been a little over a week I can take a deep breath. But again so thankful for family, health and an incredible husband that stays stable and consistent in my life which is so nice when it seems so many other things are so all over the place. Jordyn did great at nursing, she latched on and stayed on for 5 to 7 minutes Mike and I watched the monitors like a hawk. But Jordyn did wonderfully with no desats or discomfort, and I knew she would, mom's always know right. :) So I plan to keep that up everyday now and hopefully one of these days I can do two or three. I feel we are getting so close yet we are so far away. Some day my whole family will be home....some day.